Are you the sort of person that never remembers to buy cards? Birthdays, Christmas, Get Well…. it just doesn’t occur to you.

It’s not that you don’t love the people in your life, you’re just not the sort to express it by buying stationery.

Here’s your solution: The Once A Year Card

It’s a card that very directly and clearly states that I am sending it to the recipient because I want them to know that I occasionally think of them, that I feel empathy when they’re sick and I sincerely wish them the happiest of birthdays on whatever date their birthday may actually be. If they got married recently then “Congratulations!” If they had a child then, well… “Congratulations” for that too! Unless one of us is Jewish in which case it is more fun to say “Mazel Tov!”

As far as Christmas goes you’re free to assume my family had an awesome enough year. If anything particularly important happened you read about it on Facebook. That is, if it was any of your business.

Some people need to receive decorated paper inscribed with a poem or a joke that expresses the feelings that I am at least pretending to have. That is a reasonable demand and to accommodate your quaint but perfectly valid expectations I offer you this, The Once A Year Card.

Merry Whatever and Have A Jolly Humbug!