Saw a link to a “radio show” about Advanced OO Patterns. I thought that was an odd format for a topic like that. Online audio presentations are great for ideas that live mostly inside your head, but code you usually need to write down. I clicked the link and found a flash-based audio player. No slides or video or text, just the audio. I thought I’d try it out and record my notes….

9:50 pm

Some guy  says he will be speaking about dependency injection, lazy initialization, and, possibly, if there is time, service locater patterns. I can’t place his accent. I don’t think he said his name.

9:56 pm

He is trying to encourage the people standing in the back to sit down.

9:58 pm

Apologizes for a poor performance he gave at a previous conference. Explains that the time limit of the previous conference made it hard to present a coherent presentation. Says he will never work with those conference organizers again.

10:00 pm

 He’s apologizing that he doesn’t have much time to cover his topic. Says he won’t have enough time to explain everything properly.

10:08 pm

Speculating that even if you don’t understand what he says he hopes this presentation might at least inspire you to look up the topics later. (Sell it man!)

10:14 pm

Now he’s pointing out that this talk is a waste of time if you don’t look at the code samples in his slides. Asking people to not talk or use their laptops and please follow the slides.

10:16 pm

Spends the next few minutes reading the code out loud. Makes a point of saying “Semicolon” loudly at the end of each line.

10:25 pm

Something in the code reminds him of closures. He asks if anyone is using closures in PHP 5.3. He forgot what he was talking about, is trying to find his place in his notes.

 10:28 pm

He’s apologizing for how complicated his code samples are. He is using code from real projects but hasn’t removed irrelevant parts. That didn’t stop him from reading those parts out loud.

10:32 pm

Asked the audience for examples of software patterns. Someone says “singleton.” He spends the next 3 minutes berating the audience member for using singletons. Concludes that we will learn why later.

10:37 pm

Asks if everyone is still awake. Says he should have ordered a coffee service. Jokes that maybe he should have ordered a beer service. Forgets what he was talking about; tries to find his place in his notes.

10:40 pm

Can everyone read the code on this slide? Asks if anyone can find something wrong with the code. Waits for an answer. No one responds. He asks again. Someone says that it isn’t testable, he snaps that isn’t relevant. Says in the real world no one wastes time with such things. Points out that the error is that it isn’t using dependency injection.

10:45 pm

He’s out of time. Says we should download the presentation on his personal website that he recites. It involves a lot of dashes and slashes.

10:50 pm

Asks if there are any questions and answers the one about when the next session starts. There is coffee in the lobby.

Conclusion: Online audio is the least of our problems