Matt has insisted i push past my procrastinating nature and get those interview questions done. He sent two sets, so I’m answering the easy ones first. So here we are, sorry for the delay:

1. 7 11 takes the slurpee off the market. as this is the worst crime against humanity imagniable, how do you protest?

I would only protest out of solidarity with the Girl. She likes things with way too much ice in them. I, on the other hand, have a vaguely european bent and prefer drinks with no ice. I still like them cold, of course, just without all that mess of ice. So i think Amy, Chili Mac and I would hold hands in front of the nearest 7/11 and sing Tom Waits songs repeatedly.

2. you are hired as a campaign consultant for a college professor in the cali gov race. what issues do the youth of today want to hear about?

The days of generational political segmenting are long over. We live in a “”Sibling Society”” now that has worn thin the distinction between children, youth and elders.
The youth of today would be better defined as the people who don’t have property and health insurance and who are facing a mountain of debt and enviromental catastrophe due to the short sighted greed of the wealthy.
I think my consulting duties would be a mix of gonzo revolution and seeking the triumph of the authentic in the marketplace of ideas. The most revolutionary thought you can have in the western world now is “”It doesn’t have to be this way.”” The idea that the world is not static and the institutions we pile assumptions on are just as invented as tv shows.

3. better job, writing top 10 lists for letterman and opinion columns for the onion with a novel on the side, or physical therapist for dallas cowboy chearleaders and pool boy at playboy mansion and having to pull night shifts at wendy’s?

Now that’s complicated. I guess the first, even though i think the top 10 list is a dying art form. Writing for the Onion has a certain geek cachet and a novel is the single most difficult and comprehensive form of art left in the world.
As for touching cheerleaders – my tastes in women have always run toward the bookish, geek chic and artsy, so no. Ditto for the mansion, and wendy’s? what on earth are you thinking?

4. i’m coming over for dinner, after living in asia and europe for countless months. i say, lance, make me an all american meal, and you being the wonderful friend that you are, do. what is on the menu?

Well, we could probably jump into some Tony Packo’s of course, being Toledo expatriates and all. But that’s hungarian, now, isn’t it. I guess the actual all american meal would be Turkey, Stuffing, Corn, cranberry stuff and processed american cheese food slices. How’s that for a native dish. Did you ever have buckeyes? (The peanut butter and chocolate candy)

5. do you think that short people get away with way to much?

Being in love with a short person, i better not be to open here. I don’t think they “”get away”” with much, but the do “”get things done for them”” a lot. Like getting the cereal off the top shelf every single day of my life.